I know how it feels like to think you have found the one and they just slip away. I know how it feels to have connected deeply to someone and then all of a sudden it all blows away. I know how it feels to want to give up on romantic love and yet something in you keeps holding on and dreaming. I know how it feels to fall head over heels and next to fall flat on your face. I know how exciting it feels to find another and start over again, and then its relinquished when all your hopes and dreams and expectations had been fired up. I know that indescribable pain. I know how if feels to be heart broken.
What did I do wrong? What didn’t I do or say? Is it the unspoken feelings that made it all drown? Wasn’t I good enough? Did my flaws outweigh my strengths? What? What? What? I wish he could tell me what went wrong so that I can maybe learn and move on. And you keep pondering and wondering and lingering on a past that’s dead and gone till you are almost dead inside because of the sadness, bitterness, hopelessness and pity.
I wouldn’t lie to you as we are told countless times or better yet, we tell ourselves that it was them and not you. But truth of the matter was that it was you. It’s all about you! Everything is about you because no other can think and feel for you, act and talk for you.
It’s how you loved so much that you forgot to love yourself. That you lost yourself in another. It’s how you held on so tight that there was no room for division and growth between you two. It’s how you became worried on the cheating trends all around you and got griped by the jaws of fear. It’s how you felt that you weren’t good enough for him. It’s how you held on the hurts, faults, dissapointments too close to your heart rather than forgiveness and love. It’s how you become too much dependent on the other that you forgot to grow on your own. It was all about you.
Loving another takes courage, faith and strength. Loving someone is somewhat scary because you open up to someone in ways that are beyond the emotional and physical. That’s why it has to begin with you. You must take care of number one before taking care of number two to infinity, number one being you. It’s all about loving, caring, believing in yourself that you fill yourself up till it just overflows from you to them. It’s about investing in yourself. Learning new things about you. It’s about valuing you. It’s about being independent of the outcomes in relationships be it good, bad or indifferent . Everything in your life begins and ends in you.
You are beautiful. You are amazing beyond measure. You have unlimited potential laying dormant in you. You are worthy and enough. Those who really love us and are for us never really leave us. Love does exist and love is certainly not wicked. So stop wallowing in self pity. Wipe away those tears. Rid your heart of all the hurt and pain for love is the only thing the heart needs to feel. Stop lingering on the one who got away… Put them in a box, lock it and throw away the keys in the past. Remember how it feels to be in love with you. Remember how it feels to be happy not because of someone but because you chose to be happy. And as they say, the rest will fall in place in its own time.
I know it takes a lot of courage to believe in love and to love another again. I will understand if you chose not to but I hope you do. I hope you find the courage to find love and love again.